Broken Marriages
The background
Michal was given in marriage, by her father, to David when he was 19, after David killed Goliath. Whats important is that Michal was David's first wife.
Shortly, Saul grew to hate David and when that hatred grew so much, he tried to kill David. Michal had to help David escape from Saul's intentions. Now that, David was gone but still hated, King Saul decided to remove the stain of David and offered "married" Michal to another man, Paltiel.
Years later, when David became king of Judah at age 30, Abner, Saul's former loyal army general who felt betrayed, decided to form an allegiance with David. As part of the truce terms, one of David's demands was the return of his wife Michal. That was an easy one for Abner. He immediately complied by tearing Michal from her husband Paltiel. Paltiel followed them all the way to the border weeping for his wife. It doesn't say how Michal herself felt, but one can only assume she too was distraught after 7 or so years of marriage and this abrupt separation. She was being taken to King David, who at this time had two confirmed other wives and several more wives and concubines to come. You can only imagine, Michal was returning to a very different and scarred man from the husband she once knew and; this while leaving a soft-hearted man who openly wept for her until his life was threatened by continuing to follow and protest.
The next mention of Michal, she is witnessing King David dancing and jumping around in the sacred dance for the Lord as the covenant box is brought into Jerusalem. It is stated that "she was disgusted with him". When David got home to greet his family, Michal came out to meet him and sarcastically said, “The king of Israel made a big name for himself today! He exposed himself like a fool in the sight of the servant women of his officials!”
Its worth noting that King David's answer was equally sarcastic and went for her father, saying “I was dancing to honor the LORD , who chose me instead of your father and his family to make me the leader of his people Israel. And I will go on dancing to honor the LORD". We tend to ignore the stinging response from David.
What follows is a statement that is commonly mis-judged. It's quoted that, "Michal, Saul's daughter never had any children". The common misconception is that she was punished by the Lord for her terse comments to David, by not bearing any children. This however is far from the reality.
It doesn't say the Lord did it. This was a heartbroken soul? This was a woman who has grown to loathe her husband. A woman who had grown resentful of being painfully separated from a man she had been in love with, the man who cried to the next town begging for her not to be taken away and stopped only because the warning he got was likely the only one before being killed.
Only to be returned to this "first husband" who had so many wives, concubines and children. A husband that she couldn't recognize from when they first met at a young age. Michal herself was a kings daughter, so she wasn't enamored by being around money and royalty like the other wives and concubines. She saw through many things David did and was not impressed. To make matters worse, David appeared to ridicule her and it was mutual.
If it couldn't get any worse, later in their marriage, David, to appease the people of Gibeon for Saul's attack on them and end a three year drought, took the five sons of Saul's oldest daughter Merab (Michal's older sister) and handed them over to the people of Gibeon, who hanged them and desecrated their bodies. As part of Saul's family, this would have been an enormous emotional toll.
While I have heard many conclusions that Michal was punished by the Lord for her disrespect to King David, I'd like to believe she intentionally refused to be with David and did not give him a child. That was her lash-out. Her symbol of defiance.
Help for broken marriages
In today's world, many people are in troubled marriages, driven by what may appear to have been innocent intentions. Unattended, the couple's scorn grows each day and spills over to their assets, their resources, their children, their friendships and their extended families. Divorce rates have skyrocketed across the world and where "outlets" are not available, we see increasing suicide rates from father's, abused and traumatized mother's, children taking drugs and getting involved in underage sexual activity and so much more family distress.
As outsiders, we tend to see the highlights of this drama unfold and pass judgement and conclusions that tend to make things worse and solve nothing. Some will make fodder of their broken demise. We inappropriately assume that the persons lashing out are cursed, have lost a marble or they have been rejected by the Lord. Yet it may be that when you peel away into their history, their lash-out and their acts of defiance; that you realize that a persons actions may be a cry for help.
If you or someone you love is facing trauma and pain from a broken relationship or marriage, keep judgement at a minimum. Help them to seek social or professional counseling. Listen to their story and read between the lines. Marriage is between two people so there shall be a global listening to the story to appreciate all views.
Shortly, Saul grew to hate David and when that hatred grew so much, he tried to kill David. Michal had to help David escape from Saul's intentions. Now that, David was gone but still hated, King Saul decided to remove the stain of David and offered "married" Michal to another man, Paltiel.
Years later, when David became king of Judah at age 30, Abner, Saul's former loyal army general who felt betrayed, decided to form an allegiance with David. As part of the truce terms, one of David's demands was the return of his wife Michal. That was an easy one for Abner. He immediately complied by tearing Michal from her husband Paltiel. Paltiel followed them all the way to the border weeping for his wife. It doesn't say how Michal herself felt, but one can only assume she too was distraught after 7 or so years of marriage and this abrupt separation. She was being taken to King David, who at this time had two confirmed other wives and several more wives and concubines to come. You can only imagine, Michal was returning to a very different and scarred man from the husband she once knew and; this while leaving a soft-hearted man who openly wept for her until his life was threatened by continuing to follow and protest.
The next mention of Michal, she is witnessing King David dancing and jumping around in the sacred dance for the Lord as the covenant box is brought into Jerusalem. It is stated that "she was disgusted with him". When David got home to greet his family, Michal came out to meet him and sarcastically said, “The king of Israel made a big name for himself today! He exposed himself like a fool in the sight of the servant women of his officials!”
Its worth noting that King David's answer was equally sarcastic and went for her father, saying “I was dancing to honor the LORD , who chose me instead of your father and his family to make me the leader of his people Israel. And I will go on dancing to honor the LORD". We tend to ignore the stinging response from David.
What follows is a statement that is commonly mis-judged. It's quoted that, "Michal, Saul's daughter never had any children". The common misconception is that she was punished by the Lord for her terse comments to David, by not bearing any children. This however is far from the reality.
It doesn't say the Lord did it. This was a heartbroken soul? This was a woman who has grown to loathe her husband. A woman who had grown resentful of being painfully separated from a man she had been in love with, the man who cried to the next town begging for her not to be taken away and stopped only because the warning he got was likely the only one before being killed.
Only to be returned to this "first husband" who had so many wives, concubines and children. A husband that she couldn't recognize from when they first met at a young age. Michal herself was a kings daughter, so she wasn't enamored by being around money and royalty like the other wives and concubines. She saw through many things David did and was not impressed. To make matters worse, David appeared to ridicule her and it was mutual.
If it couldn't get any worse, later in their marriage, David, to appease the people of Gibeon for Saul's attack on them and end a three year drought, took the five sons of Saul's oldest daughter Merab (Michal's older sister) and handed them over to the people of Gibeon, who hanged them and desecrated their bodies. As part of Saul's family, this would have been an enormous emotional toll.
While I have heard many conclusions that Michal was punished by the Lord for her disrespect to King David, I'd like to believe she intentionally refused to be with David and did not give him a child. That was her lash-out. Her symbol of defiance.
Help for broken marriages
In today's world, many people are in troubled marriages, driven by what may appear to have been innocent intentions. Unattended, the couple's scorn grows each day and spills over to their assets, their resources, their children, their friendships and their extended families. Divorce rates have skyrocketed across the world and where "outlets" are not available, we see increasing suicide rates from father's, abused and traumatized mother's, children taking drugs and getting involved in underage sexual activity and so much more family distress.
As outsiders, we tend to see the highlights of this drama unfold and pass judgement and conclusions that tend to make things worse and solve nothing. Some will make fodder of their broken demise. We inappropriately assume that the persons lashing out are cursed, have lost a marble or they have been rejected by the Lord. Yet it may be that when you peel away into their history, their lash-out and their acts of defiance; that you realize that a persons actions may be a cry for help.
If you or someone you love is facing trauma and pain from a broken relationship or marriage, keep judgement at a minimum. Help them to seek social or professional counseling. Listen to their story and read between the lines. Marriage is between two people so there shall be a global listening to the story to appreciate all views.
As a victim, sharing pain and grief with someone who sincerely cares works wonders to reduce emotional burden. Be kind to all. Be slow to judge. Take time to appreciate all ends of a story.
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This article is based on extracts from the biblical story of Michal, King David's wife. From 2 Samuel 21:8-9 and 2 Samuel 6:16, 20-21.
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