45 Thoughts @ 45

I have recently been blessed with turning 45 years old.

I must admit, it is not what I had anticipated. Whereas, at turning 40, I had a dim excitement about the milestone; the majority of the time I was full of dread and anxiety about what I had not achieved from my life plans and full of self-scolding and self-deprecation. It was a period of self-assessment and hardline brutal truths. I can’t say I enjoyed that phase much, especially with the life issues happening then.

Now that I have turned 45, the tables have turned. While I cannot claim to have achieved most of the life goals I had set, I am more relaxed and accepting of my circumstances. The expression "life happens" has strangely assumed a new and more colorful meaning. I laugh at situations. While others balk and falter at failure, I enter a fix-it mode and do the most with what is available. Panicking is useless.

Youth. It's quite strange and hard to explain, but I do not feel young anymore. I don’t see a ditch and just jump across it without giving a second though. I'm really scared of getting injured. I have an inert thought, mistaken I'm sure, that I won’t heal so easily. I would rather ride my bike through mud and potholes than on a smooth tarred road with oncoming traffic, I am strangely aware of my mortality. Logic has taken over, like going out is fine, but it's outrageous to reach midnight, let alone 3am? Why drink excessively, only to lose your next day to a hangover?

Old Age. On the other hand, I don’t feel I'm old. I can still take on a 20 or 30-year-old in a sprint race and make them sweat - even though my daughters may prove me wrong on that. My mind is 100% and my health is pretty impressive. All thanks to God.

Turning Point. I do feel, like 45 is a half-way point. A mid-life point. And on reflecting on the entire 45 years, I am realizing this. The vast majority of my life has been surrounded by family and different friends, travelling, learning and a lot number of laughs. Just because some odd-few and horrendous seasons have happened, doesn’t negate that most years have largely been successful. They have been about overcoming obstacles and being surrounded by amazing people and situations. I've lived more than half my life outside my home country, adapted to cultures, worked jobs people could never believe, visited places that made me want to cry, made me angry and other places that made me just stop in awe. I've been driving since 16 years and I have been lost adventure trekking in so many countries. I've invested successfully and unsuccessfully in many local and foreign countries. Through all of this, I've experienced a greater revelation of the futility of the rat-race.

Existence. My favorite book in the Bible is Ecclesiastes. It starts with the quote, "Useless! Useless! Utterly useless! Everything is useless. What does man gain from all his labour at which he toils under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever. What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."

I do not believe that the writer was a madman, as some commentators speculate. That was a person with pure inspiration. A man realizing the futility of following this rat-race we call life. A man realizing that our desire and quest for wealth, global success and other human physical endeavors cannot be fulfilled or satisfied. That sadly is hogwash. There is more to life, a greater depth.

We cannot simply fight for wealth or acceptance as a measure of success, that is swimming against the stream – only a few breeds can do so. Satisfaction is different for everyone and the goalposts always shift with time. A single-minded quest for wealth or success brood’s jealousy, discontent and misery.

As the write of Ecclesiastes says, regardless of how we toil, suffer and naw our lives up or through the ladder of life, it is inevitably incomplete. There is a greater and more fulfilling purpose to life, when we also strive for greater things like living to change people's lives, leaving a legacy in people's hearts, drawing people closer to God, eliminating poverty and so many other things.

So, how would I condense my last 45 years life lessons? Maybe let me cast my giddyap thoughts from the last 45 (in no particular order) and pray that I can do better in the second half. I hope it doesn’t only help me, but others - especially men:

1. Willingly give to those who don’t have, through your time and/or resources.
2. Travel and see other parts of the world with those you love, and occasionally alone for introspection.
3. Laugh. Laugh a lot.
4. Cry (yes, men do cry).
5. Fall in love and receive love. Express your emotions.
6. Verbalize your feelings. It'll save you a lot of therapy costs (subject to the next point).
7. Guard your heart, especially from emotional vultures. You already know those that can’t keep secrets.
8. A hug speaks and heals more than words. Hug more.
9. Two are always better than one. Being single is not healthy.
10. As humans, we are both body and spirit. Feed, exercise and safeguard the body.
11. Our spirit needs to worship something. Feed it right and you shall have balance/zen. As for me and my house, we’ll follow the Lord.
12. Be in reverence of God.
13. Play with kids. The happy kid in you will always be thrilled to come out - if you allow.
14. Have some minimum lifestyle standards and stick to them. Compromise has its limits.
15. Write a journal, book or notes of your history. Leave physical and documented memories everywhere. You shall die, let your memory live on.
16. Eat healthy. A balanced diet keeps the doctor away.
17. Exercise. The gym is not entirely necessary. Take the stairs instead of the lift, walk, stretch, go outdoors. Get physical.
18. Get closer to family. Talk and chat daily. Share what’s happening daily. Avoid being awkward after long silences.
19. Tell and write your life and family stories – safeguard your family history and memories. There is something for someone in the next generation to hear and learn.
20. Listen to other people’s stories. There is much to learn and wisdom to be gained.
21. Explore and organize outdoor memories with family and community.
22. Friendships come and go. Most are for a season. When they come to pass, it's ok. No harm. There does not need to be a dramatic scene-end.
23. Witchcraft is real. Never allow yourself to get swept into the world, or suffer fears related to it.
24. Procrastination is a sin. A crime. Reject it with all your might.
25. Pray for wisdom and knowledge, in all situations. Especially before you have to decide on anything.
26. Invest in assets that will be available for your children's children. Invest in education and employment creation. Future generations must not borrow for education or look for jobs.
27. Write a Will. Better yet, setup a Trust.
28. Buy land. Use land. Save land. Everything in life revolves back to the land.
29. Riches are meaningless to chase. If you love or worship money, it'll never be enough.
30. Borrow what you can afford to return. If you must borrow, endeavor to return that which you borrowed with interest. No matter the time horizon. Great friendships are lost here.
31. Never borrow for consumptive purposes like rent, utilities and groceries, but for a clearly defined investments with timed returns.
32. Learn to raise financing and to invest for projects. Everyone needs to know skill this sooner or later.
33. There isn’t enough time in this life. In your 20’s, get educated, invest in assets, invest in a partner. After 40’s, you’ll be surprised how many will be envying you and how many will have still not done what they originally put off.
34. Have a pension. Have personal assurance and property insurance. Calamity strikes us all at some time. Your children are not a pension plan.
35. Get your drivers’ license before 22 years. There’s nothing impressive about taking more time if you have ambition and the local transport system is warped.
36. Prayers without physical action are just words. Take the steps to make your prayers come alive. Work!
37. Etiquette at home and work always goes a long way. From youth, know your place on a dinner table, in a meeting, know how to use cutlery, clean up after yourself etc. It’s hardest to correct an old man.
38. If something needs doing at work or home, just do it. Don’t delegate or think yourself too high and mighty to do it. Lead by example.
39. Say “thank you”. Every time, there is something to thank, even if you’re paying for it or obligated to receive.
40. Say please... Teach your kids and youths to ask correctly. It's never, "I want!" They must say “please”.
41. Respect is love, especially for men. Show respect and doors open.
42. Never burn bridges. You shall always need to cross that bridge on another day.
43. Never threaten what you cannot do. You will not be taken seriously the next time.
44. Learn languages early in life. It's horrendously difficult and embarrassing when you're older.
45. TV Series, Gaming and News channel programs steal a huge amount of our life's limited time. Limit them.

Share your thoughts and lessons to add to this list? I’d love to hear from you.